The Hawkins Family

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day

I have been trying to write this post now for two days. This is actually my second draft. I have one draft saved in was typed yesterday. After sleeping on it, I have come to the conclusion that if I posted it, some of you may put me in the looney bin. So, draft two it is.

I was struggling with how to approach this Mother's Day. I have been in a really depressed mood about this holiday for the past week. Most of you know that Taris and I have been married for 8 years now and have no kids. The details that I don't usually share is that we have been pregnant six times...yet are still childless. (I am a private person and don't feel like I owe everyone an explanation about our baby less life.)

I think that this year is super hard because Alexis just had little Kendall. Everyone is at Al's house this weekend (except for me), and now I am alone in our club...the childless club. I have been having a pity party for myself all week...and realized it is helping no one to feel sorry for myself.

It took all I had to go to church this morning by myself (Taris is on a cross country in Oklahoma City). I was reminded that I am not the only one that this day is hard for. Our pastor reminded us that for those that have lost a mother, buried a child, struggle with being childless, or have become estranged from their child/children, this day has a special hurt. For those of you hurting today, my thoughts are with you and my prayers go out to you. For those that are celebrating today with their moms or kids, I pray that you are (and become) the mother that God is leading you to be.

Happy Mother's Day to all the ladies out there!


Jill said...

I love you, Estee.

DavitaJo said...

That was hands down one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Beautiful, yet painful. I applaud you for writing it.

Brandon and Dee said...

Thanks for sharing. I have a Mother's Day post I didn't post so I know understand how hard it is to share such personal tragedy with everyone. Thanks for your honesty. Mother's Day is a hard holiday for so many people, for so many different reasons. It is especially hard to be in the "childless" club. You are a strong woman, and I am praying for you!!!